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Welcome to Sierra's Smegginsults Page THREE!

From Dimention Jump

I don't know what it is about me. All my life, it's been the same old story. It's not easy, you know, to come in every night, look in that mirror, and see a guy nobody likes.-Rimmer
How do you think we feel? We got to look at it all day!-Cat

You know- You know your trouble, Kryten?-Rimmer
What, sir?-Kryten
You're a git.-Rimmer

You don't like Reggie Wilson? What? Not even "Pop goes Delius" or "Funking up Wagner?"-Rimmer
I prefer something slightly more melodious, like the long, drawn-out death rattle of a man suffering from terminal flatulence.-Lister

"Commander Rimmer!" I ask you. "Ace!" Barf city. I bet you anything he wears women's underwear. They're all the same, this type, you know, Hurly-burly, rough-n-tumble macho marines in public, and behind closed doors he'll be parading up and down in taffeta ballgowns, drinking mint juleps, whipping the houseboy.-Rimmer

What a team.-Ace
What a team!-Lister
Now I know where I've seen you two! Weren't you the double- action centerfold in July's issue of "Big Boys in Boots?"-Rimmer
Now, look here, Arnie. You can say what you like about me, but I won't hear a word against Skipper here.-Ace
Skipper?-Rimmer
A man like him deserves a nickname. I thought "Skipper" sat rather well.-Ace
"Ace and Skipper?" You sound like a kid's TV series about a boy and his bush kangaroo!-Rimmer
Don't listen to him, Skipper. Let's get this tea chest back up into the stars and back to the small rouge one, eh?-Ace
Yeah, the sooner we get back the sooner you two can climb into a nice, hot, soapy bath and play "spot the submarine."-Rimmer

Right. He probably got to go to some really great school, while I was lumbered with Io House. He got to meet all the right people, greased his way up the old boy network, towel-flicked his way into the Space Corps, Masonic-handshook his way into flight school, and brown- tongued his way up the ranks. -Rimmer

(To Rimmer) To think that in every dimension, every possibility is played out -- hell, there's probably a really, really weird dimension where you're better-looking than me.-Lister

Him and me. It would never work. I just can't stand to be near the man. To see myself so warped, so bitter, so weasely. The man's a maggot.-Ace
So where're you going to go? -Lister
Just out there. I can't go back, But there's a billion other realities to explore. A billion other Arnold Rimmers to meet. Maybe somewhere there's one who's more of a pain in the butt than him. But I doubt it. -Ace


From Meltdown

Anyway, to cut a long story short I threw a five and a four which beat his three and a two, another double six followed by a double four and a double five. After he'd thrown a three and a two I threw a six and a three.-Rimmer
Man, this guy could bore for his country!-Cat

Who were those guys? -Cat
Well the short one with the stupid 'tache was Hitler, and the jerky one with the child molester glasses that was Goebbels; suppose the fat bastard must've been Goering. Must've been. He was a cocaine addict and a transvestite {some thing}. If things'd worked out different he had the makings of a major movie star. -Lister
(VO) Hands up, pig dogs!-Hitler
Think I've just worked out were we are.-Lister
Get the machine!-Hitler
(Lister and Cat are led out of the room.) You seriously telling me he's a transvestite? -Cat
Yeah...-Lister
With those hips?-Cat

I think he was a famous Roman Emperor. He slept with his mother, both his sisters, and ended up eating his son.-Lister
Hey, a little advice, bud: we all feel peckish after making love but most of us settle for pizza.-Cat

Want more? Too bad, none for you! You're too full...digest these few insults and come back when I've cooked up some more! Bye! Go home! Shoo!